Time for another year already

2023 RECAP

Lessons learned in 2023

The days of 2023 are numbered. Literally, with only three days left. 

This was a year living in the afterglow. You know, like the Taylor Swift song. It’s in the moments when the excitement fades and adrenaline hits. And you have to keep fighting forward. The last two years of my life came to a pause and I found my breath again. Or rather, I’m still finding it. 

The highs were HIGH, the lows were LOW. 

I retreated to some of my hermit ways, either keeping to myself in my apartment or just not answering calls from my friends and family for weeks because I didn’t have the energy. 

I was hard on myself for feeling behind. Not having the career I thought I would when I was 22. For not being married. Owning a house on my own and even having to move back home for the time being Or not having kids like all of my other friends do. They’re out there living their lives and I, in some ways, still feel like that 16-year-old talking about someday. Or ‘when I grow up,’ but meanwhile time is passing me by.

I haven’t seen the world like I’ve wanted to. I took a few trips here and there, but it woke me up to wanting to visit other countries and experiencing new sights, sounds, food, and people. 

I guess this was one of those years that asked the questions. Maybe next year will be the one to answer them.

And yet, I still have to be proud of the progress I’ve made. The things I walked away from. The things I kept walking toward even when I was scared. Proud that I kept creating, kept working, kept trying, when everything in me just wanted to quit. I kept showing up when it would have been easier to quit altogether. There’s always something to take away from the things that happen to us. 

A few notes/lessons I learned through it all: 

Baby steps are better than no steps at all. 

I’m an all-or-nothing type of person (anyone else a perfectionist?), so I tend to get stuck on ‘If I can’t get this to happen overnight then I don’t want to do it at all.’ Breaking steps up into several days is better than not doing anything at all and overwhelming myself. Those little moments make all the difference. 

“Sometimes the best things are worth waiting for…even if you have to sift through the mud while waiting for them.” (“Runaway Groomsman” book)

The best things in life are worth waiting for. It better be really good at the end of all of this, right? Sometimes these nuggets of wisdom showed up in the most random chick-lit books.

Show up. 

Even when you feel like hiding out. It’s easier to stay on the couch with your book or that TV show, and there are moments for that. Don’t let it take over, though. You’ll never regret showing up for your friends and family, if they need a shoulder to cry on or if they want to celebrate a special occasion with you. Because at the end of our lives, the moments with people and our relationships are a couple of the things that matter most. 

The less you care about getting recognition, the better. 

If you focus on the work, the rest will come eventually. Or it won’t. But you can rest a little easier not stressing about it. Just be proud of the work you do. It’s not about the awards or accolades. (But, don’t forget to celebrate that, too). 

Slow seasons are okay. 

This year has been a slow season for me, personally. It’s okay that my calendar doesn’t look like it did for me this time last year with nightly events or group get togethers. There are seasons for all of that. It’s okay if your social activities or extracurriculars outside of work are non-existent. It’s all necessary. 

Love each version of yourself a little better. 

I wish I would have learned to love each version of myself a little better through the years. Every version of me in the past has gotten me here, and that’s not the worst place to be. The scared me, the nervous me, the anxious me, the heartbroken me, the bitter me and everything in between. It’s the layers and our tapestry that make us who we are

Don’t get caught up in the romance of the ‘could’ve beens’ in life. 

It’s easy to create this narrative of how things could have been if you’d done this or someone else had done that. But we can’t always see the full picture. Make the best of where you are now, based on knowing what you knew then. You can’t rewrite the past, only what’s ahead.

You don’t owe someone your friendship. 

Do what you need to in order to protect yourself, whether that’s deleting the number, blocking from social media. You don’t have to allow them into your life once those ties have been cut. 

Give yourself the freedom to create. 

Take photos. Write the book. Play around with moodboards and playlists. Let yourself sit for a few minutes and let your mind be filled with all of the possibilities. Have fun with it. 

Make friend dates and lunch appointments a priority. 

All the friend dates I’ve scheduled or the lunches I’ve had with others have all been worth stepping away from work during the day or putting aside other things to be present with some of my favorite people or people I don’t always get time with. You’ll always come away with a laugh, a lesson or a new idea. 

Take the sick day.

Unless you’re working in healthcare or dealing with missiles, nothing is so important that you can’t miss a day. The work will always be there, but you won’t. And you have to put your health first because the burnout is real, whether that’s mentally or physically. Protect your body, mind and soul. 

We can’t move into what God has for us if we keep holding onto the old. 

Until I completely lay those crutches down at the feet of Jesus, it will keep its grip on me and hold me back from everything He has which is so much better. It’s hard when you have a dream or a desire on your heart, but gripping your claws into it doesn’t mean you’ll get your way. Let it go, let God do what He does and go to sleep.

We don’t get a choice in how we respond to our traumas or triggers, but we can figure out ways to deal with it. 

Through a wellness program I’ve been involved in, working through some of my feelings, focusing more on mindfulness and adjusting little things in my routines. Again, baby steps. Maybe it isn’t a huge life change, but those little moments of sanity add up.

“There’s no life in a straight line.”

Life is full of ebbs and flows. None of us will get out of here unscathed. And it’s okay. Career, relationships, friendships, weight…All of it has its peaks and valleys. Learn to roll with it. 

Even the most ‘right’ decisions can often feel like heartbreak. 

Just because you know it’s the best decision doesn’t mean it will be completely painless. Keep working through it. You’ll get to the other side eventually and be able to see the path you’ve taken. 

“The best advice I’ve ever received is to not take advice from someone I wouldn’t want to switch places with in life. Think about it…It’s a short list.” -Kelly Clarkson

Yup. 

Jesus will find you anywhere…Even in the middle of Dodger Stadium. 

I haven’t been going to church this year. I’ve struggled in my walk with God. I still believe and I have faith in Him, but I’ve paused. It’s in a different place than it was a few years ago or even last year. But, I know that God is still chasing after me. I found Him and felt Him in the middle of Dodger Stadium during Faith and Family Day. Jeremy Camp led worship and it was just such a beautiful sight - In the middle of Los Angeles, a city filled with people yearning for God in the midst (and often collapse) of fame and fortune. God will always find you when you’re willing to let Him. 

Don’t say ‘maybe’ if you want to say ‘no.’ 

If it’s a ‘no,’ hold your ground. Stand firm. Don’t feel the need to over explain. Have your set sayings or phrases ready to go, but don’t pause or trip over what you really want to say. Let your yeses be yes and your nos be no. 

Keep moving. 

Hiking to the Hollywood sign a couple months ago was not quite like I remember in 2015. I was younger, thinner and more active. I kept stalling on this last trip and I kept stopping. Which, I know, was worse in the long run. Because it gave me too much time to think and dwell on the path still yet to be. I think that can happen in life, too. We take a step back and let life just happen to us. Sometimes, you just have to keep moving to get where you’re supposed to be. 

Don’t be afraid to hype yourself up. And when you are afraid of it, make sure you have friends on your side that will step in that gap for you. 

Channel your inner Shania, Sasha Fierce or Taylor Swift. Whatever gets you pumped up. Repeat mantras that remind you of what you’re capable of. It might sound silly, but it works. Even those women have to pump themselves up when they aren’t feeling like the image we all see when they’re on stage.

The boundaries you set are up to you. 

We train the way people treat us based on what we allow to keep happening. Whether that’s in your personal or professional life. Sometimes we have to re-teach people because we’ve let things go for too long. It’s never too late to start, though. 

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“It’s been a year,” as Ashley Cooke sings about. The coffee has been drunk. The music has been sung. The words were written. The hard conversations took place. Other words went left unsaid and are only filled in the pages of my notebooks or the regret that lives in my bundle of nerves or jumbled stomach. The books have been read. The laughs have given us stomach aches and made tears drip down my face. The road trips have been tripped, complete with car ride singalongs, photos snapped to capture funny moments we want to remember forever, sunsets and open highways in front of us. The blood, sweat and tears have gone into the work produced. Dreams were dreamed up, others felt crushed or doors were closed for the time being. There were late nights and early mornings. There were revelations and realizations. Moments of celebration and moments of mourning that happened instantaneously. There were doctor’s appointments out of caution and concern, wellness check-ins for my well-being. There were puppy snuggles that made my day. There were irritations and happenings of annoyance. There were poor decisions made for lack of better judgment and there were good calls in moments of spontaneity. 

So, that’s a wrap on 2023. We look ahead to brighter days and quiet moments. Some milestones and other moments that will be completely forgotten, brushed under the rug. There will be new friend meetings, life-changing trips, defining moments that shift timelines after, dreams will be given new life. The past will be forgotten and rewritten for a better ending.